Sweet Tooth
by Aoi Ryuu
Summary: Tsu is goofy OOC, Muraki is sorta OOC, Hisoka is not so OOC. Just read it, it's funny.


One shot. -points to foxy- This is her fault. She decided that it would be a good idea to mention to me that she thought it would be funny if Tsuzuki drove Hisoka nuts singing the toys r us song. That's where the fic started, so Foxy-chan gets credit! Yay for our group's Tsuzuki!  
  
What really surprises me tho, is that there haven't been any other fics like this, what with Tsuzuki's sweet tooth and all that. @_@ There isn't a good reason for that, is there? I haven't committed a YnoM faux paus, have I? Aack! Gomen nasai! All joking aside...n/m this thing is nearly a parody...um...enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsui belongs to Yoko Matsushita. This series rocks muchly, and is therefore not mine. Also, Toys 'R' Us really does have a cool selection of stuffed animals. Yay for them.  
  
~*~})|({~*~  
  
Tsuzuki bounced along down the street carrying a giant shopping bag, humming to himself, and being totally ignored by his younger partner. He pouted a bit, wondering why Hisoka refused to acknowledge him. Perhaps if he were louder....  
  
"I don't wanna grow up--"  
  
Hisoka shot a sidelong glance at his partner "Oi...."  
  
Tsuzuki continued singing happily. "I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid--"  
  
"Tsuzuki."  
  
"There's a million toys at Toys 'R' Us that I can play with!"  
  
"Cut it out." This time when Hisoka spoke, it came out as a warning growl. People were staring.  
  
Of course, Tsuzuki had ignored him and was still singing. "--and trains to video games, it's the biggest toy store there is!"  
  
"Would you just SHUT UP?!" Anyone who had not been staring a moment before was staring now. The trench coat-wearing dog man was unaffected. Hisoka walked faster.  
  
"I don't wanna grow up 'cause--hey, 'Soka! Wait!"  
  
Hisoka refused to slow his pace, but Tsuzuki caught up easily enough anyway, and received a glare for his efforts.  
  
"'Soka-chaaan!"  
  
"You've been singing that stupid song since we left the apartment. I am never going shopping with you again."  
  
Inu-Tsuzuki pouted for a moment, before changing tactics. His ears and tail stood straight for a second, giving him an almost wolf-like appearance as he grinned.  
  
"Ne, ne, 'Soka-chan...." He wrapped his arms around Hisoka from behind, leaning over his shoulder to give him a loving kiss on the cheek. He cut off the string of embarrassed expletives that he knew were sure to follow with: "I bought you something."  
  
The empath pulled away from his partner, forcing back a blush. Kisses in the privacy of their apartment were one thing, but out here in public it was a totally different story. And for Tsuzuki to try and buy him off like that....  
  
"There's nothing in that bag of yours that I want. I saw that pile of junk you threw in there! At least apple pie has SOME redeeming qualities. All that color-coated congealed sugar you bought is just trash."  
  
"Candy isn't all I bought. And it's not trash," he added as an afterthought. To prove Hisoka's point, he withdrew a lollipop of a most unnatural shade of blue to suck on. Sweet tooth currently satisfied, he reached into the bag again, and rummaged around for a minute before he withdrew a fluffy white thing and handed it to Hisoka.  
  
The younger shinigami studied the thing for a minute, before turning his jade gaze to Tsuzuki.   
  
"...What is it?"  
  
"It's a DOG...." Tsuzuki pouted, hurt by his partner's less-than-thrilled reaction. "Like me. So that incase we're ever separated, you don't have to sleep alone!"  
  
Hisoka bristled as several bystanders whipped around to stare.  
  
"Do you have to be so LOUD?" He hissed, turning red from the unwanted attention.  
  
"But I LOVE you, 'Soka-chan!" Louder. More stares.  
  
The empath stopped and spun to look Tsuzuki eye-to-eye.   
  
"If you don't stop trying to focus the attention of half the city on us, I swear I'll never go ANYWHERE with you again!"  
  
Tsuzuki pouted and stopped teasing. He crunched dejectedly on his lollipop.  
  
"Ite!"  
  
"What happened? Think too hard about whether I meant my threat?"  
  
"Hidoi! I just bit my lollipop and--" As if Hisoka wouldn't realize what he meant, Tsuzuki bit down on the treat again, sending another jolt of pain through his jaw.  
  
"Itetetete!"  
  
Hisoka sighed, and put his hands on Tsuzuki's shoulders, pulling him down to face level. Tsuzuki took the opportunity in completely the wrong way, and pulled his partner in for a kiss, which ended abruptly as Hisoka's fist connected with the top of his head.  
  
"Baka! Open your mouth and let me see your teeth."  
  
Tsuzuki did as he was told, leaving his hurt puppy look in place. Not that it was doing much noticeable good. Hisoka had obviously built up a bit of an immunity to it due to overexposure. Well, that could be fixed later.  
  
Hisoka backed away and sighed again, annoyed this time.   
  
"You have a cavity," he informed his partner.  
  
Tsuzuki blinked. "A what? I didn't know shini--"  
  
"Shut UP," Hisoka hissed.   
  
"Fine, but I still didn't know we could get cavities."  
  
"You eat too many sweets for the healing to keep up."  
  
Tsuzuki nodded absently, watching Hisoka. "Ne," he began, slyly. "What if YOU have a cavity, 'Soka?" He was all wide-eyed innocence as he asked. "I should check." He stepped closer, cupping Hisoka's cheek.  
  
"I DON'T have cavities." Hisoka ducked away, and glared up at his over-amorous companion. "And I'm not falling for that. You're way too obvious."  
  
Tsuzuki shrugged. "I never claimed that subtlety was my strong suit."  
  
"Your tactics don't matter right now. You need to go to a dentist."  
  
The words had an instant effect on Tsuzuki who backed away, ears flat and tail tucked.   
  
"YADA! I don't wanna go!"  
  
"Don't be stupid. You need to get that filled."  
  
"But-but why can't I just let it heal?"  
  
"Can you give up sweets until it does? It might take a while."  
  
Tsuzuki looked horrified. There HAD to be another way out.  
  
Hisoka sighed, irritated, and grabbed Tsuzuki's hand. He hauled the older shinigami back down the street they had been walking on. He was sure he had seen a dentist's office down there somewhere....  
  
"Ah. There it is." Hisoka pulled his panicking partner into the office, and shoved him at the reception desk. Tsuzuki immediately spun and cowered behind the empath.  
  
"Act your age, damn it!"  
  
"I don't think you'd want that, 'Soka-chan." Tsuzuki's voice had taken on a teasing quality again. "If I acted my REAL age, I wouldn't be very energetic when we--"  
  
"Never mind!" Hisoka turned to the receptionist, a cookie cutter blond with a pasted-on smile.   
  
"If you'll fill these out, please sir, the doctor will see you in a minute."  
  
"Him, " Hisoka muttered, filling out the paperwork. "HE needs to see a dentist. Not me."  
  
The receptionist nodded and smiled, and Tsuzuki noted that she looked a lot like those bobble head things that were popping up everywhere. He was reaching out to see what would happen if he poked her cheek when Hisoka whacked him with the rolled up forms.  
  
"Don't do that."  
  
"Jealous, 'Soka-chan?" Hisoka arched an eyebrow, sending Tsuzuki skittering into a chair on the other side of the room.  
  
The empath took a seat near the door, and stared at nothing.  
  
"The doctor will see you now." The Barbie-clone receptionist pointed to the room's only other door. Tsuzuki darted in the opposite direction.  
  
"Yada! Yada! YA-DA!"  
  
"Would you just GO?"  
  
"I don't want to!"  
  
"Don't expect me to kiss you if your teeth are rotting out."  
  
Tsuzuki paused to think.  
  
"Does that mean after I get my cavity filled you'll kiss me?"  
  
"Sure." Resigned annoyance.  
  
"Right after?"  
  
"Yes." Irritation.  
  
"Even if there's people?"  
  
"Just GO!"  
  
Tsuzuki yipped happily and paused to give Hisoka another kiss before he went to see the dentist. Hisoka rolled his eyes, and hid his blush behind a random magazine. The bobble head receptionist nodded and smiled.  
  
~*~})|({~*~  
  
Tsuzuki followed the short hall into the open room on the end where he could see the dentist's chair. He took a seat, bouncing a bit and smiling.  
  
"Gonna get a kiss from 'Soka-chan, 'cause 'Soka-chan loves me! WAI!" Hearts began appearing from nowhere to float about the office, occasionally bouncing off a wall or knocking over a container.  
  
Behind him, he heard the dentist come in, and the click of the door as it closed...and locked? Tsuzuki turned around to look, and nearly burst a vessel as his eyes attempted to leave their sockets. Muraki smiled pleasantly at him, attired in white dentists' garb.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san. So nice to see you again."  
  
Tsuzuki backed away. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that he was twisted halfway around, and kneeling on a dentist's chair. He lost his balance and tumbled off the chair to land in a heap on the floor.  
  
"...ite...."  
  
"My my, Tsuzuki-san. You're as energetic as usual I see."  
  
"What are YOU doing here?" Tsuzuki had righted himself surprisingly quickly, and now stood pointing an accusing finger at the advancing psycho-doctor.  
  
Muraki shrugged. "I needed a job, and I thought I'd try something new. I didn't expect such wonderful career benefits." He leered at Tsuzuki.  
  
Having forgotten to leave his bag with Hisoka, Tsuzuki instinctively raised it to use as a shield. Muraki blinked, somewhat surprised at the shinigami's choice of protective gear.  
  
"I see you've been shopping. I take it all the candy in your bag is the reason for your visit?"  
  
"Hisoka went shopping with me. He's in the waiting room." Tsuzuki said it as if expecting the mad doctor to be intimidated by the empath's presence. Muraki simply chuckled.  
  
"I'm surprised he would allow you to take him to a toy store...sensitive as he is about his youth."  
  
Tsuzuki pouted for a second, but quickly switched to resentful anger. "It's your fault Hisoka's like that! Because of you he didn't WANT to go shopping with me!"  
  
"You shouldn't worry so much about him. I would consider it a pleasure to go toy shopping with you."  
  
Muraki's tone of voice left Tsuzuki with no doubt that he meant an entirely different kind of toy from the nice things at normal toy stores. He began edging around the dentist's chair to get away from the silver haired lunatic.  
  
"Now, Tsuzuki-san, be a good boy and sit down. Here, look," Muraki raised a needle filled with liquid. "I have this nice drug here so I can fill your cavity and you won't feel a thing." He smiled widely.  
  
Tsuzuki yelped and made a run for the door. Muraki watched him calmly, and flicked his wrist three times. The shinigami came to a sudden stop, and looked back to see a trio of sharpened instruments pinning his trench coat to the wall. His violet eyes widened in horror as he alternately banged on the wall and called for help.  
  
"'SOKA!!"  
  
~*~})|({~*~  
  
In the waiting room, Hisoka looked up from the magazine, thinking he had heard someone call his name.  
  
"Tsuzuki?"  
  
"I'm sorry sir?"  
  
He turned to the receptionist, having forgotten she was in the room. "Ahh...did you hear something just now?"  
  
The woman tilted her blonde head and listened for a moment. Finally she looked back to Hisoka with her plastic smile.  
  
"No sir I didn't."  
  
Hisoka dismissed the voice as his imagination. From behind the door, he could faintly hear the sound of the dentist's drill, and he sighed in relief. Soon he could go home.  
  
~*~})|({~*~  
  
"Stay away from me!" Tsuzuki brandished the whirring drill at Muraki. The motion itself wasn't particularly threatening, but the drill was capable of doing damage, so Muraki backed up.  
  
"Now, Tsuzuki-san, you should relax and sit down. I haven't even checked your teeth."  
  
"Absolutely NOT! 'SOKA! 'Soka, HELP me!"  
  
Muraki shrugged and pulled the plug for the drill. It stopped immediately, and Tsuzuki blinked at it before going back into panic mode.   
  
He tugged at his coat frantically as Muraki approached. Even for an insane psycho killer, Muraki had remarkable skills with regards to throwing sharp objects. The coat would not budge, and the twisted doctor was suddenly smiling right in Tsuzuki's face.  
  
"Now, how about an oral examination?" He leaned in and kissed Tsuzuki, sliding his tongue into the shinigami's mouth.  
  
That was the last straw for poor Tsuzuki. He whacked Muraki with the overstuffed candy bag, twisted out of his coat, knocked the door down, and bolted.  
  
Muraki blinked and shook his head as he surveyed the amount of candy that now littered the floor.  
  
"He really should eat less sweets."  
  
~*~})|({~*~  
  
Tsuzuki slammed the door behind him as he dashed into the reception room. Hisoka stood up, setting aside his magazine and stretching a bit.  
  
"That didn't take long. Did you get your cavity filled in?"  
  
"I-iya...."  
  
The empath glared at him in exasperation. "Why not?"  
  
Without a word, Tsuzuki crossed the room, grabbed Hisoka around the waist, and pulled him in for a much more intense kiss than the one Muraki had bestowed. He pulled back after a minute, leaving Hisoka staring at him in disbelief.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"Sorry, " Tsuzuki apologized, licking his lips. He grabbed Hisoka's wrist and pulled him outside. "Had to wash my mouth out."  
  
Hisoka decided not to question that. "Why didn't you get that cavity filled?"  
  
"I've decided to just give up sweets until it heals. Much less painful that way."  
  
Hisoka blinked. "Since when are you such a coward?"  
  
"Since sanity stopped being a requirement for dentists."  
  
Hisoka shook his head. "Whatever. I'm going to make sure you stick to this no sweets thing, though."  
  
Tsuzuki eyed him unhappily. "Seriously? No sweets at all?"  
  
"None."  
  
"Not even you?"  
  
Hisoka glared, as expected. "Especially not me."  
  
Tsuzuki wailed at the unfairness of it all. One of these days he really was going to have to get even with Muraki. 


End file.
